When Satan Takes the Wheel
by frostyfreezyfreeze54
Summary: When Lynne catches Jaylynn driving Anja's car, she keeps quiet in exchange for Jaylynn becoming her personal assistant. Meanwhile, Sparky attempts to help Buster become a better driver before his license is revoked.
1. When Satan Takes the Wheel Script

_Thank You, Heavenly_

Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide the Day

SEASON 4

EPISODE 14

Airdate: May 15, 2016

"When Satan Takes the Wheel"

Special Guest Stars: Kira Kosarin as Lynne

SCENE 1

The Hernandez Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _Jaylynn whistles "Me, Myself, and I" by Beyonce as she turns off the TV, adjusts her hat, and grabs her car keys off the shelf as she walks outside to get in her car. But when she closes the front door and turns her head, she notices that the car is gone._

JAYLYNN: WHAT THE HELL?!

SCENE 2

The Hernandez Household

Exterior Frontyard

Seattle, Washington

 _Two police cars have arrived on the scene as some of the neighbors have come outside to inspect the situation. A few cops are looking around Jaylynn's house for clues as another cop is filling out a police report._

COP: So could you explain to me...what kind of car that the car was?

JAYLYNN: _*sighs*_ It was a 2011 silver Nissan Altima, I told you already. License plate TYH-0414.

COP: Hey, this is important business. Don't get snippy. Now, do you remember the last time you saw the car?

JAYLYNN: Last night as I was looking out the window.

COP: Great. Well, here's the thing. Whoever took the car must have taken it sometime between you sleeping...and you going to the store.

JAYLYNN: Wow. Thanks for the vital information. Are you guys going to investigate this?

COP: Well, we wouldn't be cops if we didn't. Were there drugs in the car?

JAYLYNN: No, I don't take drugs!

 _In Jaylynn's mind, she says "At least not anymore."_

COP: Was there alcohol or pornography or any strange sounds emanating from the vehicle?

JAYLYNN: Nooooooooo. Why would a ten-year-old have booze and porn in their car?

COP: You never know. Some of these people are freaks.

COP #2: Okay, so Ms. Hernandez, I've done some investigating and I have come to the conclusion that your car...was stolen.

JAYLYNN: I know that already, that's the whole reason I called you guys over here!

COP: Never mind my partner, he's a little slow in the head. Now, as a formality, I have to ask: Are you now, or have you ever been, a registered sex offender?

 _The camera cuts to a still frame of Jaylynn's confused, open-mouthed stare._

SCENE 3

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

 _The gang is at lunch, and Jaylynn looks especially annoyed._

SPARKY: I can't believe they just took your car like that.

RK: See, this is the kind of shit that would get you killed in Harlem.

 _Wade gives RK an annoyed look._

RK: What? It's true. The streets here just don't love the children like Harlem does.

BUSTER: You know, there has been a rash of car thefts recently. It's all over the news.

JAYLYNN: Great, I'm just another story for the tabloids to make fun of. I'm going to be the next punchline on _The Daily Show._

SPARKY: I don't think that's how local news works.

JAYLYNN: I guess. I can't believe I don't have a car anymore. I used to be free. I used to be independent, secure, the boss. Now I'm going to have to take the bus with those old white ladies who smoke all the time and talk about their favorite episodes of _Walker, Texas Ranger_.

RK: You could always, you know, buy another car.

JAYLYNN: But I don't want to!

SPARKY: But you need a car, Jaylynn.

JAYLYNN: I don't know what I want! I've had that car since the day I moved here. I have so many memories in that car.

 _CUTAWAY GAG_

 _Jaylynn is driving on the highway singing "Shake Your Booty" by KC and the Sunshine Band when another car hits her in the back._

JAYLYNN: AAH! WHO CLIPPED ME?! BITCH, YOU CLIPPED ME, DON'T DO THAT AGAIN OR THERE'S GOING TO BE TROUBLE!

DRIVER: SHUT UP, DON'T DRIVE SO SLOW NEXT TIME!

JAYLYNN: Yeah, it's really easy to say that when you're trying to MURDER SOMEBODY! DON'T F***ING F*** AROUND WITH JAYLYNN, YOU LITTLE F***ING STUPID F*** !#¡# TWERP!

 _END OF CUTAWAY_

JAYLYNN: I almost got arrested for road rage, but it was all worth it. I'm going to miss those moments.

BUSTER: You could always go to the house of the dudes who jacked your car, beat them down, and steal _their_ car as revenge. An eye for an eye, baby.

JAYLYNN: Why wouldn't I just take my car back?

BUSTER: Well, sure, if you want to poke holes in the plan, but I'm just thinking on another level.

SCENE 4

The Saleh Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _Lynne is doing her homework when Jaylynn walks into the house._

LYNNE: Ugh, why are you always here?!

JAYLYNN: I used to ask myself the same question before you moved out. Look, where's Anja? I have to talk to her about something important.

LYNNE: She stepped out. You didn't notice that her car's not here?

JAYLYNN: Her car's gone?

 _Jaylynn looks outside the window and sees that Anja's car is gone._

JAYLYNN: How did I not notice that?

LYNNE: Because you're the dumbest person alive. Now if you excuse me, I have a lot of homework to get through and nowhere does it say that my assignment is to entertain you.

JAYLYNN: See, that implies that you actually have the ability to _be_ entertaining. Understand?

 _Jaylynn gives Lynne a brief smile, rolls her eyes, and leaves._

LYNNE: Geez, what a jackass.

SCENE 5

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _Sparky is watching TV with a bored expression. A Puerto Rican lady is interviewing an unidentified man with glasses, long grey hair, and a Talking Heads T-shirt._

LADY: I'm here with Jared Ferris of Passaic, New Jersey, and he refers to himself as the Mad Rocker. Jared, why are you so mad?

JARED: Because I hate music today. There's no edge, it's disgusting. Back in my day, everything was awesome. Before Facebook and Twitter and AOL, it was all about MTV. Now all you have is Justin Timberlake and Beck and Keyshia Cole and whatnot. Back in my day, we called it rock and roll. Now you have rock on iTunes. That's not real rock and roll. Kendrick Lamar and Taylor Swift aren't real rock and roll. Jimi Hendrix, Kiss, Madonna, they're rock and roll. What the f*** is happening to music? Back in my day, everything made sense.

 _Buster walks in with a letter and a blank expression._

BUSTER: Hey Sparky.

SPARKY: Hey Buster. What's new?

BUSTER: Well, I need help understanding this letter. I've read it five times and I still have no idea what it's talking about.

SPARKY: Let me see.

 _Buster hands Sparky the letter._

SPARKY: "To whom it may concern, you are in danger of having your license revoked...multiple driving-related incidents...going too slow in the fast lane...possible use of physical force..." Buster, you might get your license taken away.

BUSTER: What? How?! I'm an excellent driver!

SPARKY: Not according to this letter. You drove on the freeway with your lights off? Do you know how dangerous that is?

BUSTER: Look, I was trying to save heat energy. Am I the only one who cares about the environment?

SPARKY: You once waited six months to pay for a speeding ticket.

BUSTER: It's not a library book, they're not going to charge you every day it's late. Wait, are they?

SPARKY: Dude, I don't know what to say. If you don't straighten up your driving soon, you're going to end up just like Jaylynn.

BUSTER: No, I'm not. Her car was _stolen_ , her license was a victim of circumstance. I can just find someone else to drive me everywhere.

SPARKY: Like who? And don't say me.

BUSTER: Oh, come on, you and me in my car getting into all sorts of wacky hijinks. It will be just like an 80s sitcom that nobody remembers. I even have the perfect chauffeur name for you: Quentin Garrett. You like that? You like Quentin Garrett?

SPARKY: I'm not about to become a goofy sidekick. But if you want, I can help you become a better driver to keep your license from getting suspended.

BUSTER: Are you sure? I mean, I don't know how I feel being taught things by my peers.

SPARKY: It will be as easy as cake. Plus, we're best friends. I don't want you to be without a license.

BUSTER: Okay. I guess we can start whenever. It's a good thing you volunteered to help. Or else I would be in bigger trouble than the time I was indicted for fraud in Australia.

 _CUTAWAY GAG_

 _Buster is about to get kicked in the backside by a steel boot in front of a sellout crowd at the Melbourne Cricket Ground in East Melbourne, Victoria._

BUSTER: I told you, I didn't mean to put the kid on hold for that long! The ice cream man was calling me!

VOICEOVER: And now Buster Newman is about to receive the ass-kicking of a lifetime!

BUSTER: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 _END OF CUTAWAY_

SPARKY: Buster, that never happened to you.

BUSTER: Oh. Well, maybe I was confusing it with the time I accidentally shot Mr. Burns.

SCENE 6

The Hernandez Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _Jaylynn is on the phone._

JAYLYNN: I'm telling you, Anja, it was ridiculous. I walk out the door, the car's not there. Not even a speck of motor oil. And those dumbass cops are probably going to take weeks to catch the guys who did it. This is one of the worst days of my life.

ANJA: Aww, don't worry, Jaylynn. As bad as things seem now, you're going to have a lot more days just like this one.

JAYLYNN: I know that, but I wasn't supposed to worry until high school. What am I supposed to do? I can't ride the bus every day for the rest of my life. I need to feel the wind in my hair, the bugs in my teeth, the...mysterious third thing.

ANJA: You could always buy another car, you know.

JAYLYNN: It's too soon, babe. Way too soon.

ANJA: Well, you don't have to worry anymore because I have the quick fix to your problems.

JAYLYNN: No! No quick fix, I want to do this all on my own.

ANJA: I'm thinking about buying a new car and selling the one I have now to you.

JAYLYNN: AWESOMESAUCE! This is cool, this is rad, this is totally, unbelievably amazing!

ANJA: Sheesh, don't piss your pants. Yeah, I just don't feel like this car is right for me anymore. I've been thinking about getting a new one for weeks and you need it way more than I do.

JAYLYNN: Yes! A thousand times yes, I'll take it, I love your car! Look out, everybody, Jaylynn's back on the road!

ANJA: Calm down, Danica Patrick, we have to get some things settled. First things first is the money.

JAYLYNN: Can do.

ANJA: And I have to get the title to you or else you're going to get arrested for driving a stolen car.

JAYLYNN: Sure thing. When are you buying the new car?

ANJA: It's going to take a while, but I'll make it quick so you can get back to driving. I'll let you know all the details soon.

JAYLYNN: Alright, cool. And Anja?

ANJA: Yeah.

JAYLYNN: You're an amazing friend.

ANJA: So are you. I'll talk to you later, okay?

JAYLYNN: Okay, bye.

ANJA: Bye.

 _Jaylynn swoons as she falls backwards on the couch._

JAYLYNN: God, I love that girl.

SCENE 7

The Newman Condominium

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _Buster is watching TV when Sparky walks in._

SPARKY: Come on, Buster. It's time for driving lessons.

BUSTER: What? But dude, it's 9:46. I was expecting something like this weekend or right before I need to learn how to make a getaway.

SPARKY: A good driver has to be ready to drive at a moment's notice. You want to keep your license, you should follow me.

BUSTER: Well, I can't remember the last time you've "steered" me wrong before. Let's do it. _*chuckles*_ Get it? It's a driving reference? Steer? It's funny because...

SPARKY: I get it, it's cute, let's burn some rubber.

SCENE 8

The Westboro Complex

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

 _Sparky and Buster are right outside in Buster's car._

BUSTER: Sparky, why aren't you driving? We're supposed to start our lesson right now!

SPARKY: Buster...I'm in the passenger's seat, remember?

BUSTER: Oh. Yeah. Sorry, sometimes when I get nervous, I ask stupid questions.

SPARKY: No need to be nervous, mi amigo. You're with your closest friend since kindergarten. All you need to do is get this baby started and I'll guide you the rest of the way.

BUSTER: Okay.

 _Buster gets the car started and he slowly drives off. He looks visibly nervous as he tries to keep his hands on the wheel._

SPARKY: Buster, are you okay?

BUSTER: Of course I am! Why wouldn't I be? Everything's okay in Busterville!

SPARKY: Make sure you keep your hands on the wheel.

BUSTER: WILL YOU STOP HASSLING ME?! GOD, IT'S LIKE I'M TALKING TO PRINCIPAL MACGREGOR OR SOMETHING!

SPARKY: Buster, please, be easy. One of the reasons why people become bad drivers is because they focus too much on what might happen, instead of paying attention to road signs and simple stops and speed limits. Don't try to think about everything at once.

BUSTER: Okay. I'm in the car right now. I'm stopping. Am I stopping? I stopped, I think.

SPARKY: Yes, you stopped when you were supposed to. Good first step. Don't be afraid to speed up a little bit.

BUSTER: Okay. Time to put the pedal to the metal and RIP THE KNOB OFF!

SPARKY: No, no, no, no _Speed Racer_ shit, alright? Just relax yourself, settle down, and pay attention to what's in front of you. You'll be fine. I know you can do it.

BUSTER: Alright. Just relax, take it easy, pay attention.

 _Buster becomes a little more comfortable behind the wheel as the ride continues, and Sparky nods his head in approval._

SPARKY: You want to turn on the radio, compadre?

BUSTER: Sure thing, Copernicus.

 _Buster turns on the radio and the first song him and Sparky hear is "Electric Relaxation" by A Tribe Called Quest. They stare at each other and nod in approval as the car drives off into the night while the song plays in the background._

SCENE 9

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

 _Buster walks into school with a big smile on his face, and meets Jaylynn, who also has a big smile on her face._

BUSTER: What are you smiling about?

JAYLYNN: What are _you_ smiling about?

BUSTER: Sparky's started helping me with my driving. I feel more confident than I ever have before just because he's with me. How about you?

JAYLYNN: Anja's actually going to sell me her car. I don't have to be a lonely outsider anymore.

BUSTER: Um, when exactly were you a lonely outsider?

JAYLYNN: Yesterday, I don't know. But anyway, this is so awesomesauce, I can't explain it.

BUSTER: Ah, here comes my driving instructor now.

 _Sparky walks up to the guys._

SPARKY: Hey kids. What's going on?

JAYLYNN: Anja's going to sell me her car!

BUSTER: And you're my new driving coach!

SPARKY: Wow, Jaylynn, that's nice of her. I guess you two really...wait, hold the phone, say what now, who's driving who, when, where, why, now, how, and what?

BUSTER: Look, Sparky, I've never been all that comfortable behind the wheel. Between you two and me...I get nervous sometimes.

SPARKY: You don't say.

JAYLYNN: I had no idea.

BUSTER: Uh huh. Anyway, I knew for a fact that the government was going to take my license away. But now I actually feel like I can drive without being scared anymore. You've made this possible, Sparky. That's why I want you to teach me everything you know.

SPARKY: Gee, Buster, I could teach you a couple things, but driving is...

BUSTER: Hey, hey, hey, hey. I want you. To teach me. Everything. You know.

SPARKY: Well, I guess I have nothing to lose. Alright, Buster, if you want a driving buddy, I'm there for you.

BUSTER: Thanks man. You always come through for me.

JAYLYNN: Are you sure it's a good idea using your best friend as a security blanket?

BUSTER: Are you sure it's a good idea seizing an opportunity _your_ best friend handed to you?

JAYLYNN: Touche.

SCENE 10

The Saleh Household

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

 _Jaylynn walks by Anja's house and admires her car. She takes off her beanie and bows to it._

JAYLYNN: Damn, this baby is a work of art. Look at it. It's young, it's sleek, still pretty fast. I need to drive. I need to drive _now_. Should I...no, that would be pretty messed up. I can't do that to Anja, she's practically loaning me the car. Crap, someone help me!

 _An angel version of Jaylynn appears on her left shoulder._

ANGEL JAYLYNN: Jaylynn, don't steal Anja's car. You're already buying it. Besides, you don't even have the title yet. Be patient.

JAYLYNN: I guess, but...

 _A devil version of Jaylynn appears on her right shoulder._

DEVIL JAYLYNN: Shut up, bitch. Jaylynn, this is your chance to get back on the road. The car's pretty much yours, all you're doing is taking it for a test drive.

JAYLYNN: You're right. I think I deserve to try out _my_ new car.

ANGEL JAYLYNN: Don't give in, Jaylynn. Anja's going to kill you if she finds out.

DEVIL JAYLYNN: What she doesn't find out is irrelevant. Is it fair that you had your car stolen right from under you?

ANGEL JAYLYNN: Is it fair to take what you legally don't even own yet?

DEVIL JAYLYNN: Stop getting inside her head, Carla. You think that just because you take psychology courses at community college during your freshman year, that makes you a smart girl?

ANGEL JAYLYNN: At least I graduated from high school, bitch!

JAYLYNN: Hey, I thought you were the goody two shoes here.

ANGEL JAYLYNN: I am, but she keeps pushing me!

DEVIL JAYLYNN: Get your repressed anger out now. Like how you couldn't get that scholarship to Washington State like you wanted.

ANGEL JAYLYNN: OKAY, THAT'S IT, YOU'RE DEAD!

 _Jaylynn snaps her fingers and both versions of herself disappear._

JAYLYNN: I need more help. Like, actual non-imaginary help.

SCENE 11

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _Jaylynn is talking to RK and Wade about her situation._

JAYLYNN: So what do you guys think?

WADE: I think that's a terrible idea and it could get you in a lot of trouble.

JAYLYNN: RK?

RK: Well, let's see. Driving a car that's not yours with no proof of ownership behind your best friend's back? I mean, Jaylynn, I've done some crazy shit in my years and honestly, you would be better off jamming your thumb than doing that.

JAYLYNN: I thought you guys were my friends.

WADE: We are, but don't you know how dangerous it is to do that? Anja's going to have a mental breakdown when she finds out.

RK: Plus, you're going to have to go to court. And when you do go to court, you'll force us to commit perjury and we're all going to die on the chair. Don't put me through that, Jaylynn, I'm too young.

JAYLYNN: Look, it's simple. I wait until Anja's not home, I steal her car keys, hop in the whip, put it in gear, and take a little joyride before she comes back and notices what's up. No big deal.

WADE: How are you even going to obtain her car keys?

JAYLYNN: I don't know.

RK: Jaylynn, I love you. And as someone who loves you, I can tell you right now that your idea is absolutely awful. I mean, if you think running into Home Depot with your pants off and shouting "The British are coming!" all over the place is a bad idea, then yours takes the cake.

JAYLYNN: What the hell are you talking about?

RK: Look, I haven't gotten any sleep in the past couple of days, I feel a little unappreciated, give me a break.

WADE: Just think about it overnight, Jaylynn. But honestly, I think you're making a big mistake if you go through with it.

JAYLYNN: I guess you're right.

SCENE 12

The Westboro Complex

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

 _Sparky and Buster are standing outside Buster's car._

SPARKY: Ready to hit the road, my boy?

BUSTER: Let's go.

 _The boys get in the car and Buster starts driving away from the condo._

SPARKY: So let me ask you something.

BUSTER: Sure thing, coach.

SPARKY: What made you decide on buying a condo?

BUSTER: Well, actually, it was my mother's idea. She wanted me to be around people who could help me if I ever burned the place down or got my head stuck in the toilet.

SPARKY: Is that the reason why you're sometimes scared to use my bathroom?

BUSTER: Hell yeah. I don't know what goes on in there.

SPARKY: Well, here we are. The stop. You know, we should really pick up some food on our way back.

BUSTER: Okay, like what?

SPARKY: We could go to Burger King.

BUSTER: Does that creepy Asian guy still work there? I don't know, Tuong Lu Kim or some shit?

SPARKY: No, he was fired from the place. Apparently, he was accused of inappropriately touching a customer.

BUSTER: I hope she sued the bastard.

SPARKY: Well, actually, there's no proof that he did anything but in 2016, reasonable doubt is an oxymoron.

BUSTER: I don't get it.

SPARKY: I'll explain it later. Hey, is that Adriana and Anna?

BUSTER: I think so. No, wait, it's not them.

SPARKY: How do you know?

BUSTER: Well, Adriana's not that tall. Plus, Anna never wears a hoodie around her stomach. She thinks that's tacky.

SPARKY: How do you know so much about them?

BUSTER: After the whole Diana thing went down, we became friends. I don't know why, but for some reason, I feel like I never see them around anymore.

SPARKY: Yeah. It's like even when we do see them, they don't talk or interact with anybody else, they just react to things.

BUSTER: What the hell are RK and Wade doing to them?

SPARKY: I don't know, but they better keep things straight. I couldn't go more than a couple days without talking to Halley.

BUSTER: How do you guys get so lucky? You all have great girls and I just have a cat. I'm nothing more than one of those old folks who eat tin cans out of other people's recycling bags.

SPARKY: Dude, I keep telling you, it's going to happen for you in no time. Just put yourself out there and you'll find the right girl.

BUSTER: Please, I haven't found the right girl since Jennessa.

SPARKY: Wait, what? You had a crush on Jennessa?

BUSTER: Always. After I started dating Diana and we stopped being pen pals, I forgot all about it, but when we first met, I felt like I was in love. She was so warm and smart and pretty. I think about her sometimes.

SPARKY: You should let her know how you feel before it's too late.

BUSTER: I could, but we stopped talking two years ago. So many things have changed since then. I've got my own show, I won the waterball championship, Peyton finally won another Super Bowl. I can't jeopardize what we had.

SPARKY: I know what you mean. It's like one of those shows that was really good in its early years, then it just gets worse and worse until it becomes all about money and repeating the same damn stories over and over.

BUSTER: Yeah. And then when it finally ends, it comes back ten years later as some crappy reboot that nobody really wanted.

SPARKY: Good thing that will never happen to us.

BUSTER: Why not?

SPARKY: Because we don't have a show!

BUSTER: Oh yeah. You know, speaking of reboots, they need to bring back _Catscratch_.

SPARKY: Yeah, that was some real shit back in the day!

SCENE 13

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

 _The next day, RK and Wade are having lunch together._

RK: So I read yesterday that Hillary Clinton's favorite fruit is a watermelon. I don't get it.

WADE: I don't even think she gets it.

 _Jaylynn walks in at that point holding a diagram._

JAYLYNN: Alright, boys. I thought it over last night and I finally figured out how I can steal Anja's car without getting caught.

WADE: Oh no.

RK: Proceed.

JAYLYNN: Now, every Wednesday, Anja goes over to Ashley's house so they can study together.

RK: But they don't even go to the same school.

JAYLYNN: Ashley's better at it than me. Anyway, since today's the day, and Ashley's house is just walking distance from Anja's, this is my chance to pull off the baddest heist of all-time.

WADE: Ashley's house can't be that close.

JAYLYNN: Ugh, do I have to explain everything to you guys?

RK AND WADE: Yes.

JAYLYNN: Anyway, I'm going to take her car keys when she's not around, and when we lock up, I'm going to wait for her to leave, then drive that bad boy for a bit and come back before she even knows anything.

RK: Where are you going to leave the keys?

JAYLYNN: Well, I can't leave them in the car because that would be suicide, so I'll just hold onto them for the rest of the day until I see her tomorrow.

WADE: Do you really think a plan like this is going to work exactly how you think it is?

JAYLYNN: Of course. Anja studies with Ashley for almost three hours anyway. I have plenty of time.

RK: You know, Jaylynn, I don't know how your brain works so well, but you've done it again. This plan is beautiful.

JAYLYNN: You're being sarcastic, aren't you?

RK: If my hand movements weren't enough to indicate that, I wasn't doing a good job. Look, if you really want to drive, you can always borrow my car. It's not like I have supermarket trips and school and pizza runs 24/7.

WADE: And my vehicle is always open to your desires.

JAYLYNN: Nope, can't do it. I need to drive Anja's car and I need to drive it now. I don't know why, but there's something about this plan that makes it exciting. It's sexy.

RK: Hey, keep those dirty thoughts to yourself, you pervert.

 _Sparky and Buster arrive on the scene._

BUSTER: Hey guys. So Jaylynn, did the police find your stolen car yet?

JAYLYNN: Nope, but before Anja sells me her car, I'm going to steal it and take it for a joyride.

BUSTER: Oh. Well, I'm not going to be involved in that, but Sparky, my man. We on for another drive?

SPARKY: Sorry, dude, I have a lot of work to catch up on today. But you can always take someone else.

BUSTER: Someone else? I can't do that. I have to work with certain people. It's the same thing with rappers. They have to use the same writers so they can keep stealing their ideas.

SPARKY: Trust me, you're going to do just fine without me. What about RK? He's not doing anything.

RK: How do you know I'm not doing anything?

SPARKY: You're not in either story, I don't think.

RK: Oh. Yeah, I guess I can be Buster's driving buddy today. Seeing as how I mean so little to this group.

WADE: Huh?

RK: I mean, I have more to offer than this. This is what my antics have built up to? Me driving with Buster? Shit. What happened to me?

SCENE 14

The Saleh Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _Anja turns off the TV while Jaylynn keeps looking around the room._

ANJA: Jaylynn, are you okay?

JAYLYNN: Yeah, sure. Why do you ask?

ANJA: I don't know, you seem a little anxious today. Like you want to leave or something.

JAYLYNN: Of course not. When I'm with you, I never, ever, want to leave. But you should get a move on, you know Ashley hates lateness.

ANJA: She studies every day by herself, she can wait. I just need to use the bathroom first but you can hit the road.

JAYLYNN: Sure thing, boss.

 _Anja heads upstairs to use the bathroom when Jaylynn goes into Anja's closet and swipes her car keys from the bottom shelf. The scene cuts to Jaylynn hiding in the bush near Anja's house as she waits for her friend to leave._

JAYLYNN: Come on, girl, get outta there. I need my speed.

 _From Jaylynn's point of view, Anja locks the front door and walks away with her bag._

JAYLYNN: You know, I have to think for a minute. Am I wrong for this?

ANGEL JAYLYNN: Don't do it, Jaylynn. You're deceiving the people who love you.

JAYLYNN: It's only one person. And where's the bad Jaylynn?

ANGEL JAYLYNN: I kicked her ass and sent her to the hospital. Now listen to me. If you try stealing Anja's car, I'll blow your brains out so fierce, it won't even be funny.

JAYLYNN: You're not even real!

ANGEL JAYLYNN: Shut up, do what I say.

 _Jaylynn snaps her fingers but the angel Jaylynn does not disappear. Jaylynn shrugs and simply places the angel on the side of the road, then hops into Anja's car and puts the keys in the ignition. She checks for anybody or anything that will hinder her plans, then backs up and runs over the angel. She makes a turn and drives away._

JAYLYNN: I liked the evil me better. Wow. My first time driving Anja's car. This is going to be mine real soon. It's like when a father gives his son the family business and doesn't even care if he does well. I'm that son.

 _Jaylynn sighs for a while and realizes she is bored._

JAYLYNN: Wow, this is lame. This isn't even sexy anymore, I don't know what this is. Well, better play some music.

 _Jaylynn turns on the radio stations to see what songs are on. The first song she hears is "NO" by Meghan Trainor._

RADIO: My name is no, my sign is no, my number is...

 _*As she turns to another station_ _*_ JAYLYNN: No.

 _The next song she hears is "Hotline Bling" by Drake._

RADIO: I know when that hotline bling, that can only mean one thing...

 _*As she turns the station again_ * JAYLYNN: Old.

 _Jaylynn keeps turning for a bit until she hears "Return of the Mack" by Mark Morrison._

JAYLYNN: Hmm, I've never heard this before.

 _Jaylynn gradually starts getting into the song as she continues driving._

JAYLYNN: This is a nineties song, I know it is.

 _The hook to the song comes on and Jaylynn hums along to it._

JAYLYNN: Oh, I get it. This dude's a player and he's coming back for more. I don't care, I'm gonna stick to that.

LYNNE: Jaylynn?!

 _The effect of a record skipping is heard as Lynne leaves Ike's sees Jaylynn in shock._

JAYLYNN: Shit.

 _The instrumental to "Let It Roll" plays briefly as Jaylynn is frozen in fear and Lynne continues to stare at her._

SCENE 15

Ike's Ice Cream Emporium

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

 _Jaylynn parks at the restaurant as Lynne walks towards her._

LYNNE: You stole my sister's car?!

JAYLYNN: Look, Lynne, I know you want to see this as me stealing Anja's car, but I want you to know that I was doing this for a very logical reason.

LYNNE: Okay. What is it?

JAYLYNN: Um...you see, Anja's partner Mr. Firth...invited Anja to his legal retreat in Palm Springs and I was just driving the car there for her because she wanted to go inside Mr. Firth's helicopter.

LYNNE: Do you really expect me to believe that bullshit?

JAYLYNN: It wasn't me.

LYNNE: Jaylynn, there's no getting out of this. I caught you red-handed behind the wheel of my sister's car without her knowing about it. When she finds out, oh man, it's going to be the worst day of your life.

JAYLYNN: I just wanted to feel the wind in my hair and those other two things! Anja can't find out about this, please! I'm fragile, I'm a little girl, and I'm sorry.

LYNNE: You're pathetic.

JAYLYNN: Okay, how about I just pound you into not telling?

LYNNE: Beating me up isn't going to be the answer this time.

JAYLYNN: Well, I don't know what to do. You're a psychotic little girl and there's nothing I can give you to hush up.

LYNNE: Well, I think there's one thing you can do for me.

JAYLYNN: NO! NO, I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH TROUBLE I GET IN, I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING TO YOU AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!

LYNNE: You idiot, it's not that.

JAYLYNN: Oh. I misheard that. Well, what is it?

LYNNE: Jaylynn, I like to think that I'm a busy girl. I've been under some stress lately and I think it would be great if someone could help share that stress with me.

JAYLYNN: You want to speed this up, champ?

LYNNE: I want you to be my personal assistant.

JAYLYNN: That's it? I just have to do some things for you that you're too lazy to do yourself?

LYNNE: Yup. You be my assistant for as long as I need you and I never tell Anja anything.

JAYLYNN: Wow. Looks like I got off pretty easy.

LYNNE: Just know this, Jaylynn. Whatever I need you to do, you do it. Either that or the deal's off. Understand?

JAYLYNN: Sure. I do whatever you say.

LYNNE: Good. I'm going to make this as easy as possible for you.

 _Lynne winks at Jaylynn and snickers. Jaylynn is visibly confused._

JAYLYNN: Are you sure this isn't going to end with you making a pass at me?

SCENE 16

The Westboro Complex

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

 _Buster gets in the car with RK and he starts it. He looks a little upset._

RK: Hey Buster, do you ever feel like...sometimes, you're mediocre?

BUSTER: What?

RK: I mean, you've spent so much time perfecting your craft, making a living off of your crazy shenanigans but at the end of the day, you feel like you're just not good enough?

BUSTER: Honestly, I do. I do feel mediocre sometimes. Oh no, my life isn't worth anything!

RK: What?

BUSTER: I'm sorry, I'm just getting emotional. We don't need to change, RK. The world does. We're special and I think it's time everybody knows it.

RK: So what did you have in mind?

BUSTER: Huh? I don't know, I thought you were going to come up with the plan.

RK: I don't have anything.

BUSTER: Oh, so the man of a thousand schemes has no idea how to stop making himself and his friend feel below average?

RK: Hey, I never laid claim to that title. It was a one-time nickname that spread like wildfire and now people think that I think I'm the shit. I ain't that good.

BUSTER: Where do you want to go?

RK: I don't know, the park?

BUSTER: Played in it.

RK: Movies?

BUSTER: Seen it.

RK: Ike's?

BUSTER: Ate it.

RK: Bowling.

BUSTER: Rolled it.

RK: We could go to the supermarket and buy everything we can with all the money we have!

BUSTER: Wait, are you serious? We're doing this?

RK: Hell yeah, we're doing this, we're doing this right NOW.

BUSTER: Alright, we have something exciting to do!

 _The scene cuts to Buster and RK paying for all of their groceries with bored expressions. "I Knew You Were Trouble" by Taylor Swift is playing over the loudspeakers._

BUSTER: I have my credit card.

 _Buster looks for his credit card but he cannot find it in his wallet._

BUSTER: Oh no. Bro, I need coverage, back me up.

RK: What?

BUSTER: I left my card at home, I need to pay for my shit, man.

RK: I thought you said you were loaded!

BUSTER: I am, I mean...I have bills, but I don't want to use them.

RK: You little piece of...I'm not going to do you a solid because of your negligence.

BUSTER: Come on, man, I'll pay you back the first chance I get.

RK: And when is that?

BUSTER: As soon as we get home, I promise.

RK: Why can't you just use the cash you have on you?

BUSTER: Because I don't want to use it, remember? That was the deal we made in aisle six to use credit cards?

RK: That doesn't make any sense!

BUSTER: You agreed to it, bro!

CASHIER: Sir, you and your friend are holding up the line.

BUSTER: THERE'S ONLY ONE PERSON IN THE BACK OF ME WITH TRIDENT GUM AND A COPY OF _PEOPLE_ , I'M TAKING CARE OF SOMETHING HERE!

 _The scene cuts to Buster and RK in the car. Both of them look disappointed._

BUSTER: You know, I don't believe in comparing people. I just don't see the value in doing that. But I'm saying, if Sparky was here, he would have went through with the plan.

RK: What plan are you talking about?! We never agreed on a plan!

BUSTER: I said to use credit cards and you couldn't just cover me. Thanks to you, we got kicked out of the store.

RK: Well, you can't blame me for misunderstanding your convoluted plan. I'm not responsible for nothing.

BUSTER: Do you always have to talk like how you think a black guy talks?

RK: And do you always have to be protected by having someone else in the car?!

BUSTER: You bastard. You have insulted my honor. I challenge you to a duel!

RK: What?

BUSTER: I demand satisfaction!

 _Buster pulls out a rubber glove and slaps RK with it._

RK: No, I've been in more duels than I can count. I'm sorry, man, it's just...I can't help the fact that your plan was stupid.

BUSTER: And I'm sorry too. I'm sorry Sparky's a better driving instructor than you.

RK: When was I helping you with your driving?

BUSTER: Exactly. You want to just listen to the radio until we get home?

RK: Sure.

 _Buster turns the dial to different stations until he hears "Operator (A Girl Like Me)" by Shiloh. Neither him or RK knows what to say as they look at each other with disgust._

RK: I kinda hate this song.

BUSTER: Me too.

RK: Really? You love pop music.

BUSTER: A guy has his limits. You want me to change it?

RK: No, I mean, there's not much else on. Besides, it's...catchy in the same way dogs catch tapeworms. You can't get rid of it and then eventually, it becomes a part of you until it kills you.

BUSTER: Yeah, you have a point.

 _Beat._

RK: I miss the 2000s.

BUSTER: Yeah, people were more optimistic back then.

SCENE 17

iCarly Elementary School

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

 _Jaylynn leaves the bus and tries to readjust her beanie before it gets knocked off. Lynne honks her horn and Jaylynn sees her from across the street in her car. After the bus passes, Jaylynn walks over to Lynne._

JAYLYNN: What are you doing here? This is my school, my world. I never invited you into my world.

LYNNE: Hey, don't talk to your superior like that. Remember, unless you want Anja to know about your little joyride yesterday, you treat me with respect.

JAYLYNN: Fine. Why did you come over here?

LYNNE: I wanted to let you know that Anja's giving you the title to her car today. You're back on the road, baby.

JAYLYNN: I'm not getting back in that thing after what happened.

LYNNE: I know you're not. That's why this whole thing is so funny to me. Just pretend nothing happened, I'll pretend nothing happened, and you'll repay me by owing me back for as long as I want.

JAYLYNN: Thank you for the tip. Now if you excuse me, I'm going to go back to talking to normal people.

 _Jaylynn walks away with an annoyed look on her face._

JAYLYNN: Dumb bitch.

LYNNE: You say something?

JAYLYNN: Nothing you can prove!

SCENE 18

The Hernandez Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _Jaylynn is face-to-face with Anja who is holding the title to her car. Lynne is also in attendance, watching everything on the couch._

ANJA: Well, Jaylynn, I know you're just waiting to drive your new car so it's time to make it official. Just to make sure, you _were_ able to get the money, right?

JAYLYNN: _*in her mind*_ I can't buy this car. It has lies written all over it. But if I don't take it, Anja's going to know something's up. I can't believe I did this. I'm the biggest fraud since Milli Vanilli or Lance Armstrong or James Patterson!

LYNNE: Well, Jaylynn, were you able to get the money?

JAYLYNN: YES! I WAS...ABLE...TO GET THE MONEY! I have it here...with me.

ANJA: Why are you shouting? I'm right in front of you.

JAYLYNN: OH, WELL, IT'S JUST TENSE IN THE AIR, AND I FEEL LIKE AIR TENSION IS A BIG PROBLEM IN TODAY'S SOCIETY. DO YOU HAVE THE TITLE...TO THE CAR?!

ANJA: Yes. It's literally right here in my hand, that's the whole point of me being here.

LYNNE: Tried to tell her that.

JAYLYNN: OKAY. HERE'S HOW WE ARE GOING...TO MAKE THIS OFFICIAL. YOU GIVE ME...THE TITLE...WHEN I, THAT BEING ME, JAYLYNN, GIVE YOU THE MONEY...FOR THE CAR!

ANJA: Okay? Here you go.

 _Anja hands Jaylynn the title and she ends up dropping it._

JAYLYNN: Oh, shit on a popsicle shit stick, I have butter fingers today. Oh no. Where's the money? I needs me that money I can give you for the car.

ANJA: I have it. It was right here on the coffee table.

JAYLYNN: What a small world we live in.

ANJA: Hey Lynne, can I ask why you're here?

LYNNE: Oh, I just wanted Jaylynn and I to finally settle our differences. No need in being at odds forever.

ANJA: Oh. Well, good for you guys. It's nice to see you two are actually giving it a shot.

JAYLYNN: I gave Honey Nut Cheerios a shot. It was pretty good for me.

ANJA: Okay, I'm out. See you guys later.

JAYLYNN AND LYNNE: Bye.

 _Anja leaves the house while Jaylynn and Lynne wave disingenuously. When she is officially gone, Jaylynn sighs in relief._

JAYLYNN: That was so damn painful.

LYNNE: Quit whining, you got what you wanted and you got away with lying.

JAYLYNN: Yeah, to Anja. The girl's sharp as a butcher knife, she's going to figure out what happened sooner or later. She didn't even ask about the keys. It's a test. This whole thing is a giant test!

LYNNE: You really need to get out more. You can worry about your guilty conscience later, but right now, you need to start your job as my personal assistant. Why don't you drive me to my apartment? I call shotgun.

 _Jaylynn growls at Lynne._

SCENE 19

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _Sparky is doing his homework when Buster walks in._

SPARKY: Hey Buster. How was driving with RK?

BUSTER: How do you think it was? It was a fiasco!

SPARKY: What?

BUSTER: Yeah, I just learned that word the other day, I've been waiting to use it in everyday conversation.

SPARKY: Oh. Doesn't sound pretty good, I can imagine.

BUSTER: Nope. You're the only driving wingman I need, Sparky. But you're coming with me tomorrow, right?

SPARKY: You know, Buster, I've been thinking. You're really not a bad driver at all. You just let your nerves get in the way of improving yourself. But you have what it takes to be a great driver, and even without me today, you didn't get in a single accident or lose your cool. I think that means my work here is done.

BUSTER: What? But you're my mentor, I can't do this without you! There's no way I can make it without you, do it without you, drive to the supermarket and get kicked out because of your friend without you!

SPARKY: Buster, did you not hear what I said? I have faith in you. You have all the skills. I just wish you had faith in yourself. I know you can do this.

BUSTER: I don't know if I can.

SPARKY: Believe me, you're going to do fine on your own. Good luck, my boy.

SCENE 20

The Saleh Apartment

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _Jaylynn walks into Lynne's apartment, which is surprisingly nicer than she expected while also being slightly messy._

JAYLYNN: Wow. This place is actually...not disgusting.

LYNNE: Thank you for trying your best to compliment this place.

JAYLYNN: Hey, I know I'm working for you and everything, but I'm staying Jaylynn. So what's on the agenda?

LYNNE: I want you to clean this place.

JAYLYNN: All by myself?

LYNNE: Well, I don't see Martha Stewart anywhere so I'm going to have to say yes to that question.

JAYLYNN: How long do I have?

LYNNE: Until I get back from doing my Lynne stuff. I'm going to need you to make sure this place is spotless. I want you to scrub the toilets, clear out the dirty dishes, make sure no stray clothes are left behind. You understand, Jaylynn? Can you make sure my apartment is clean by the time I come back?

JAYLYNN: Seriously, I'm five seconds away from slapping the shit out of you, get lost.

LYNNE: You're so cute when you're mad and can't do anything about it. Alright, see you soon.

 _Lynne leaves the apartment and Jaylynn is left alone by herself._

JAYLYNN: Well, it's time for me to start selling my soul.

 _("Yakety Yak" by The Coasters playing in the background)_

 _Jaylynn starts by sweeping up the kitchen floor and throwing out the debris, then she starts working on the dishes. After that, she goes to the bathrooms and starts scrubbing the toilets by hand. She is close to throwing up, but manages to power through. She vacuums the living room floor, dusts off the shelf, and freshens up the room with some Febreze air freshener. Lynne comes back as Jaylynn is sleeping on the couch and nods her head._

LYNNE: Beautiful. Lovely, delicious, this is actually pretty damn good.

JAYLYNN: What? Don't talk back with your yakety yak?

LYNNE: What?

JAYLYNN: I don't know, I only know that song from the cartoon.

LYNNE: Well, personal assistant, you did well for your first day on the job. Tomorrow, you're going to show me how entertaining you can be.

JAYLYNN: Why do you have that look on your face that implies something really bad is going to happen?

LYNNE: You'll find out tomorrow.

SCENE 21

Ken Griffey Jr. Park

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

 _RK and Wade walk into the park with Wade holding a green frisbee._

RK: So how was your date with Adriana last night?

WADE: Eh, it was okay. I tried teaching her about molecular gastronomy but she fell asleep in less than five minutes. How about you and Anna?

RK: I'm going to be honest, I don't remember anything that happened. Alright, you want me to go long?

WADE: Sure. I'll be Tom Brady and you'll be Julian Edelman.

RK: Why are we always the Patriots?

WADE: Because the Patriots deserve respect, okay? Now go long.

RK: Alright, let's go.

 _Wade sets up the throw while RK runs as fast as he can. Wade tosses the frisbee in the air and RK leaps up to grab it._

RK: TOUCHDOWN!

 _RK spikes the frisbee on the ground and performs the Ickey Shuffle. He then notices a large crowd at the far end of the park._

RK: Wade, come here!

 _Wade runs towards RK._

WADE: What is it?

RK: Are you seeing this crowd? I'm getting curious, let's check it out.

WADE: Do we really have to?

RK: Are there any better ideas?

 _Beat._

WADE: You're right, let's kill five minutes.

 _The scene cuts to Lynne standing in front of the crowd. She is talking to Jaylynn who is covered underneath a large blue sheet._

JAYLYNN: I'm not doing this, I look like a dumbass.

LYNNE: You just feel like one, not look like one. It's fine. Besides, it's better than Anja making you look like a _huge_ dumbass if she ever finds out about your adventure.

JAYLYNN: Just do the damn introduction.

LYNNE: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages. For years, man has wondered whether or not clowns and mimes can coexist as one. Today, we answer that question. For the benefit of those with smartphones, here is Jaylynn the Silent Clown!

 _Lynne pulls off the sheet and reveals an annoyed Jaylynn in a clown costume. The crowd immediately starts laughing while RK and Wade start cutting in front of people to see the show for themselves._

LYNNE: Alright, clown. Do your little dance for the people.

 _Jaylynn slowly turns her head towards Lynne and shakes it._

LYNNE: DANCE, CLOWN! Give these people what they came for right NOW.

 _Jaylynn sighs and starts dancing around without talking. The crowd continues laughing at her as RK and Wade make it to the front._

WADE: Wait a minute. Is that...Jaylynn?

RK: No, it can't be Jaylynn. Jaylynn always has the sad eyes on her face. Wait, forget it, it's her.

WADE: What on Earth is she doing?!

 _Jaylynn starts pretending she is in a box and simulates being locked inside it by kicking around and gasping for air. The crowd is losing it at the routine while RK and Wade look unimpressed._

LYNNE: Thank you for showing up, ladies and gentlemen. What? Show's over, go back to your lives.

 _The crowd groans in unison as they quickly leave the premises. RK and Wade stay behind._

LYNNE: Wow, I'm impressed. Who knew you were so good at being a joke? Well, you know, besides me.

JAYLYNN: I just want you to know that I can't wait for the day I can finally kick your teeth down your throat.

LYNNE: Yeah, maybe someday, you'll get lucky. Alright, I'm going to see you tonight at your place. I'm giving you a performance evaluation and having a sleepover. I need to keep you close in case I have a job for you.

JAYLYNN: You're giving me an evaluation after two days?

LYNNE: I like being thorough. Now remember, I'm coming over so you better make sure you look presentable. I think we can both agree that Anja wants you to stick with this as hard as you can.

 _Lynne pats Jaylynn on the back and leaves with a big smile on her face. RK and Wade walk up to Jaylynn._

RK: Having fun?

JAYLYNN: What are you guys doing here?

WADE: We were playing frisbee and we saw the crowd. Jaylynn, why are you letting Lynne take advantage of you like this?

JAYLYNN: Because she has something over me. I took Anja's car for a spin and she saw me.

WADE: You idiot, don't you know how much trouble you're in?

RK: I'm more surprised your plan got you that far.

JAYLYNN: Of course I know how much trouble I'm in. That's why I have to be Lynne's personal assistant from now until she gets bored with me. The worst part is, I already bought Anja's car but I get sick when I drive it. Now I look like _The Big Comfy Couch_ got sick all over _me_.

WADE: Jaylynn, you can't keep this going any longer. Even if Anja does chew your head off, at least she'll know and you'll never have to work for Lynne again.

RK: I agree. This is just like the time Shawn Michaels worked for JBL. I mean, yeah, sure, he got his freedom back and he almost beat The Undertaker at WrestleMania, but it's not like he...shit, what was I saying? The point is, this needs to stop ASAP.

JAYLYNN: Relax, guys, I have this under control. It's going to end tonight at the sleepover. I don't care what Anja does to me. Nothing can be worse than being Lynne's punching bag for one more day. When I see that bitch again, it's on sight.

SCENE 22

The Hernandez Household

Interior Jaylynn's Bedroom

Seattle, Washington

 _At 2:22 A.M., Lynne tries to wake up Jaylynn by pushing and poking her repeatedly._

LYNNE: Jaylynn? Jaylynn, wake up, this is serious! Come on, Jaylynn, wake the hell up!

JAYLYNN: What? What's going on? Who died?

LYNNE: Jaylynn, I need you to take me to Burger King.

 _Beat._

JAYLYNN: Yeah, f***ing right, good night.

LYNNE: But I'm hungry. Plus, I heard that Chinese man went to sensitivity training.

JAYLYNN: Boohoo, go eat something from the fridge. I'm not driving after hours so I can watch you scarf down a Whopper and mix two drinks at once.

LYNNE: Fine. I mean, for the girl who's doing a lot keeping Anja from finding out about you stealing her car, I figure a late-night dinner at BK is a small price to pay.

JAYLYNN: Okay, that's it, Saleh! You are not about to start making me feel even more guilty than I already do. I did a really stupid thing and I admit that, but you forcing me to kiss your ass just because I'm your slave doesn't help anyone.

LYNNE: So are we going to Burger King or not?

 _Jaylynn sighs._

JAYLYNN: Fine, let's just go. And on the way there, we need to get some aspirin.

LYNNE: Why?

JAYLYNN: BECAUSE YOU'RE GIVING ME A F***ING MIGRAINE!

SCENE 23

The Westboro Complex

Exterior Entrance

Seattle, Washington

 _Buster is frozen in fear the next day as he stares at his car._

BUSTER: I can't do this. I'm too scared to drive without Sparky. I'll never make it!

SPARKY: Would you stop worrying? You're going to do fine.

BUSTER: Who said that? Ashley?

SPARKY: Behind you.

 _Buster turns around and is spooked when he sees Sparky._

BUSTER: AAAH! Wait, Sparky, how did you teleport so fast from your house to here?

SPARKY: I'm not really Sparky, I'm just imaginary. I'm here to help you.

BUSTER: But you're just in my head. How are you going to help me drive?

SPARKY: I have my ways. Now let's hit the road, we need to start making tracks.

BUSTER: Hell yeah.

 _Buster and imaginary Sparky get in the car and Buster starts it up._

BUSTER: You know, I never said this before but, you gave me confidence to go on when I thought I couldn't, and I thank you for that.

 _Billy and his mother walk by Buster's car and Billy sees Buster talking to nobody._

BILLY: Mommy, look! That boy thinks he's talking to a real person!

MOM: It's always important to watch out for strangers with rides, Billy.

SCENE 24

David Zuckerman Elementary School

Interior Hallway

Seattle, Washington

 _Lynne is putting away her things in her locker when Jaylynn walks towards her._

JAYLYNN: Lynne, you and I need to talk.

LYNNE: Personal assistant. Why are you here, I don't need you for anything.

JAYLYNN: I just came here to tell you it's over.

LYNNE: What is?

JAYLYNN: This personal assistant crap. I don't want to do it anymore.

LYNNE: Look, Jaylynn, at the end of the day, you still...

JAYLYNN: Bitch, shut up. I know damn well what's at stake here so don't even try to remind me. You think I'm going to massage your feet, brush your hair, go to the store and buy you things anymore? No. I think you're the most vile, inconsiderate, repulsive human being to ever walk the face of the earth. I might have stolen Anja's car, lied about the whole thing and just became your assistant to cover my ass but that's done. I'm going to come clean and there's nothing you can do about it because she deserves to know. So please, please keep thinking you have one over on me because honey, at the end of the day, you will never be better than me. I'm going to end this, and I'm going to end this my way.

ANJA: Too late for that.

 _Jaylynn gasps and turns around. It is a very angry Anja staring both her and Lynne down._

JAYLYNN: Anja, you weren't supposed to hear that.

ANJA: Oh, so I just wasn't supposed to hear about the fact that my best friend stole my car and lied about it while my sister kept it to herself and used the opportunity for extortion? Yeah, that sounds about right. I can't believe you guys.

 _Anja walks away angrily while Jaylynn pounds her fist into a locker._

LYNNE: Well, once again, working with you gets me nowhere.

JAYLYNN: Could you just shut the hell up for one day in your life?!

SCENE 25

The Saleh Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

 _Jaylynn and Lynne are trying to make an appeal to Anja as she sits on the couch._

JAYLYNN: Anja, there is a perfectly good reason for what happened.

ANJA: Okay, what is it?

JAYLYNN: It wasn't me.

ANJA: JAYLYNN!

JAYLYNN: Well, if Lynne never caught me, none of this would have happened.

LYNNE: Why the hell were you driving my sister's car in the first place?

JAYLYNN: Why did you force your sister's best friend into slavery?

ANJA: ENOUGH! Both of you guys are just...I don't...I can't find the words to express how angry I am right now. If I scream, the neighbors are going to hear. Plus, I already have one warning from across the street so let's talk calmly.

LYNNE: I agree with that.

JAYLYNN: Yeah. I feel like you should do exactly that.

ANJA: Okay, Jaylynn, can you just explain to me why you stole my car and lied to me?

JAYLYNN: I just really wanted to get back on the road. Don't you realize how much it sucks not having a car? I couldn't take it anymore, I thought I could get away with it, but I didn't. And I didn't want you to find out so I became Lynne's assistant.

ANJA: Okay. And Lynne, why didn't you just tell me what happened? I thought you would have wanted to bust Jaylynn.

LYNNE: Me too, but then I thought to myself what I could get out of it instead.

ANJA: I don't know what to say. I never expected you to lie to me, Jaylynn.

JAYLYNN: Anja, I'm sorry I went against you and I'm sorry I lied about the whole thing. I guess I just wanted to drive so bad, I went overboard. I can't tell you that I'm never going to do anything stupid again, but I'll always try to be honest with you.

LYNNE: And I'm sorry too. I should have just told you what happened instead of trying to take advantage of the situation. By the way, Jaylynn, I didn't really need a personal assistant. I just wanted to make your life a living hell.

JAYLYNN: Wow. It's like, I would have never known that had you not told me.

LYNNE: Shut up. At least I admitted it.

ANJA: Apologies accepted, I guess. But you know, whenever either of you are about to do something dumb, just listen to that voice in your head that tells you it's a dumb idea.

JAYLYNN: How often?

ANJA: Every single time. Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Both of you are banned from my house for two weeks.

JAYLYNN AND LYNNE: WHAT?!

ANJA: Oh, and Jaylynn, you can't drive the car for two weeks also.

JAYLYNN: Are you kidding me?! That's not fair!

ANJA: Hey, you think you were just going to get away with this? The way I see it, everything is fair.

JAYLYNN: Great.

LYNNE: If Jaylynn steals your car again and I see it, can I get my punishment reduced?

 _Jaylynn gives Lynne an annoyed stare to end the episode. The kids are then shown at a Mariners game._

TSE: Now it's time for...

STEVE SONGS: Yoo-hoo!

KIDS: Music Time!

STEVE SONGS: With Steve Songs.

 _("Ready to Roll" by Jet Black Stare playing in the end credits)_

 _POST-CREDITS GAG_

 _Buster walks into Sparky's house with a big smile on his face. Imaginary Sparky also walks in._

IMAGINARY SPARKY: Buster, why did you imagine me wearing Vans? I like Adidas.

BUSTER: We can change your sneakers later, buddy.

SPARKY: Who are you talking to?

BUSTER: You. Well, the fake you.

SPARKY: The fake me?

BUSTER: Yeah. Thanks to imaginary you, I believed in myself and I drove like a champion. You were right all along, Sparky. I always had the skills.

SPARKY: I knew you could do it, buddy.

IMAGINARY SPARKY: I knew it too.

BUSTER: Hey, stop taking all the credit.

IMAGINARY SPARKY: Well, I at least deserve _some_ credit. I was in the car with you, not him.

BUSTER: Well, you are just the imaginary version of him.

 _From Sparky's point of view, Buster is talking to nobody._

BUSTER: I don't care, Sparky put me on the path to excellence and you should respect that. Okay, that's it, no Adidas for you! Jackass.

 _Sparky gives the camera a confused look to officially end the episode._

©2016 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS


	2. When Satan Takes the Wheel B-Pass

_PRODUCTION/CULTURAL REFERENCES (written 5/30/16)_

-Yeah, this one is coming out really late. Let's not waste any time though.

-This episode's origins date back to a little over a year ago, when I was working on the third season. It was originally called "Driven to Hell," and while both plots were similar, there were a few changes. RK was supposed to be in Jaylynn's role and Jaylynn was in Lynne's role. KG would have warned RK about his reckless driving, and if he got in one more accident, RK would get his license taken away. He does end up getting into another accident, but Jaylynn finds out and covers it up in exchange for RK becoming her servant. I wasn't really considering making this episode at the time, but when season four came around and I needed ideas, I decided to write it. I also felt like Jaylynn would act out of character by torturing RK so I went with the better idea of her being tortured by her nemesis.

-The subplot was originally Buster being taught how to drive well by every other member in TSE, then all three boys bickering over which one is the best teacher when Buster rejects their help. As I was writing it, it just flowed better as a Buster/Sparky story. I really like how it turned out, actually. This might even be one of my favorite stories this season.

-Originally, Jaylynn was going to crash the car into a tree, and when Lynne found out, she would have gotten the car fixed before Anja knew anything happened. However, as I was writing it, I realized it would have been just as simple as Lynne seeing Jaylynn drive Anja's car, especially since it would have been impossible for Jaylynn to get into an accident without the police's involvement.

-Had this episode been scrapped from season four, it would have become a holdover and aired as one of the first few episodes of season five.

-The episode title is a reference to the song "Jesus, Take the Wheel" by Carrie Underwood and a line in "Rap God" by Eminem where he says, "I'm drunk, so Satan, take the f***ing wheel, I must sleep in the front seat."

-Jaylynn's license plate is a reference to the show's initials and the production code of this episode - season four, episode 14.

-I loved writing the useless cops. The day before I started the episode, by chance, I watched the _Everybody Hates Chris_ episode "Everybody Hates the Car" where Chris bought his first car and all of these horrible things would happen to it. Whenever the cops arrived, they barely did much else other than ask Chris stupid questions like if a baby was in the car. I thought the episode was really funny, so that served as inspiration for the opening scene.

-The Mad Rocker gag was meant to make fun of people who often criticize everything about this current generation and talk about how things were better in their era. It is also a reference to the Mad Rapper from The Notorious B.I.G.'s "Kick in the Door."

-Buster's cutaway references the _Simpsons_ episode "Bart vs. Australia" where Bart has to go to Australia to apologize for an international incident, then he later references the two-part episode "Who Shot Mr. Burns?"

-Buster calls Sparky "Copernicus," making an indirect reference to Polish astronomer Nicolaus Copernicus.

-RK was originally going to have his own subplot about feeling unappreciated because he had no prominent role in this episode, but I felt like it was better having him contribute to the two plots instead.

-I really enjoyed writing the meta conversation that Sparky and Buster were having. Buster refers to Mr. Ping Wing Hing Zing, the Chinese Burger King owner, as Tuong Lu Kim, the owner of the restaurant City Wok from _South Park_.

-When Jaylynn tries to explain to Lynne why she was driving Anja's car, she references the _Fresh Prince of Bel-Air_ episode "Mistaken Identity."

-When RK asks Buster where he wants to go, they imitate a bit from the _Full House_ episode "Smash Club: The Next Generation." In the original episode, the bit ends before the bowling part can be explained.

-It's odd to me that I don't pair up Buster and RK that much because they play off of each other really well. Their flaws and eccentricities work well together.

-The joke about Buster and RK listening to Shiloh was one of the earliest bits I came up with for the episode.

-Jaylynn's reactions to Anja giving her the title were inspired by the _Kenan and Kel_ pilot, because one of the scenes showed Kenan receiving the title to a stolen car, but also needing to remember the code line so the guy who gave him the title could be apprehended by the police.

-Buster references the _Austin & Ally _theme song when talking about how much he needs Sparky's mentoring.

-Jaylynn references the cartoon _Yakkity Yak_ when talking about the song being played during the montage. It was because of the cartoon that I even knew about the song's existence but I always wanted to use it on the show.

-There were some jokes here about Adriana and Anna, referencing their lack of presence on the show despite dating two of the main characters. I plan to change that in future episodes because I like them, but they are usually unnecessary in a lot of these recent episodes.

-RK performs the Ickey Shuffle during the frisbee game, a dance made popular by Cincinnati Bengals running back Elbert "Ickey" Woods during his career.

-Jaylynn references the Canadian preschool series _The Big Comfy Couch_ , then RK references a WWE storyline from late 2008 to early 2009 where Shawn Michaels worked for John "Bradshaw" Layfield (JBL) to help make ends meet for his family.

-Lynne waking up Jaylynn and asking to be taken to Burger King is a reference to the _Drake and Josh_ episode "Driver's License" where Drake wakes up Josh and asks to be taken for tacos. In fact, this episode was directly inspired by that one.

-Buster needing to go out on his own, and then being aided by an imaginary Sparky is a reference to the _Boy Meets World_ episode "I Love You, Donna Karan." In that episode, Eric has to study for an upcoming history test without the help of Mr. Feeny, who tells him he has the skills to do it himself. Eric is then assisted by an imaginary Feeny, who helps him get a B on the test before leaving Eric to deal with studying on his own.

-I realized while writing this episode that I did not include Billy and his mother this season so I added them to this episode. I always want them to appear once a season.

-Lynne's elementary school is named after the original showrunner of _Family Guy_ , David Zuckerman.

-The only thing I regret about this episode is that I never revealed the status of Jaylynn's car. That whole situation was dealt with briefly in "The Trouble with Militants."

-I'm going to start using post-credits gags as a way to wrap up subplots and end on strong jokes. I liked the way the first one turned out, so expect more in the future.


End file.
